Couples

 

I use the Developmental Model as taught by The Couples Institute. This provides a simple model of relationships that clearly shows where we get stuck or have limits, and contribute to difficulties in our relationships.

 

You are the only one you have the power to change, so keeping the focus on what you can do differently empowers you where you might feel stuck or exasperated. Small changes in how you relate both to yourself and to your partner, can make significant changes in a relationship. 

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The Developmental Model approach to couples therapy sees relationships as progressing through different stages. As we move through the consuming initial feelings of romantic love, and need to find a way of living life closely with someone else, it can be challenging to balance what we want and need with what our partner wants and needs. This is a never-ending creative tension and tends to come with anxiety, until we learn to trust the tension. We commonly react to this with patterns of conflict, withdrawal, dominance and submission, often based on our family and societal experiences and expectations, as ways to avoid the anxiety.

 

• The model was built to support couples, and is applicable to all types of relationships – family, friends, work colleagues, the boss, casual lovers and committed partners.

• The model is applicable to all ages, any gender and any sexual orientation. 

• The developmental model of relationships gives language to your experiences and a structured way to think about what is going on.

• Learn about yourself and what your patterns of relating are that might contribute to difficulties, without getting blamed or shamed.

• You will be supported to practice bringing what you really feel and think, need and want, and hearing the same from your partner, in ways that empower you and build confidence in improving and deepening relationships.

• These skills are yours to use for life to help all your relationships flourish and mature.

 

We start by becoming clearer about what is working, where there are difficulties and what is going on that is not working. Skills practice (relating skills, not sexual skills - I am not a sex therapist) will be integrated into the work we do with the specific struggles you bring. I will coach you to practice these with each other in the room, so you can experience the benefits of doing things differently, and see what you find easy and not. 

 

Though the skills can seem simple in theory, it takes practice not to follow your habitual ways of relating and to grow in a way that you feel confident you can rely on. This work can be revelatory and full of Aha! moments. It can be deep and at times challenging. It is not a '4 easy steps to a perfect marriage' approach! It is also do-able - it is not about anyone having to completely change to be acceptable. 

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See the about me page for more information of my training. Call me on 01647 440167.

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